camden wears shorts long into winter here in charlotte.
but it's gotten chilly and he's gotten taller.
he came home from school yesterday and announced "mom. i need pants."
30 minutes or so later we left the mall with 5 pairs of pants.
sitting in panera slurping soup we talked about God.
cam: do you think people really hear God talk to them?
me: good question. what do you think?
cam: i don't think that people really hear God talk to them like "hey camden, get the chicken noodle".
me: well, i know i've never heard God tell me what kind of soup to get.
cam: yeah, me either.
me: you know how sometimes you just know something though?
cam: yeah, i guess. what do you mean?
me: like down deep in your soul you just know to do something or say something or whatever?
cam: like what?
me: like when we were leaving the store just now and you were so happy with all your great pants and your new sweatshirt and i complained about how much everything cost...i just knew i made you feel bad and i ruined a fun night. i just knew that i hurt you. i just knew to shut up about things that don't matter (we have enough money, you don't ever have to worry about that). i just knew to stop talking, look you in the eye, say how sorry i was, and kiss your handsome face right there in the mall. i just knew to love you and make peace.
me: maybe when we just know to love people and make peace...maybe that's God talking to us.
tim and i come from a world of right and wrong.
the path to peace was only for the few fortunate souls who got it all right.
so we spent most of our lives trying to get it all right.
and then we had children.
cole and camden taught us that we are not in control,
we don't know the answers,
and love is bigger than we ever imagined.
we created life. life that did not ask to exist. we know down deep in our souls that there is nothing big enough, bad enough, or ugly enough to cause us to turn our backs on this life we created. we would die for them. asking nothing in return. and then we would die for them again. and again. forever.
so the path to peace for the fortunate few no longer feels so peaceful. right and wrong no longer feels easy to know. all we know down deep in our souls is that we would follow them into the dark...
no matter how they live
no matter who they love
no matter how they vote...
we know we might be wrong. very wrong. but our truth is, peace that passes understanding filled our souls when we finally gave up trying to get it all right. we agree with frederick buechner...
there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.
this is one day of a 31 day series about living in a peaceful home.
click here to read the rest of the series.
peace be with you,