a peaceful home | day thirteen
by timothy dean lewis
photography by angela statzer
If your goal is to win the argument, then you’ve lost the relationship. This I know.
We are going to argue. We just are. Christina once wrote, “Arguing is good, real, alive, passionate. Arguing leads to resolution, understanding, peace, make up sex. Expect conflict. Expect peace. Know that it is not our role to convince, coerce, condemn, convert, only to love.” But she wrote it in lowercase letters and on separate lines. That's her thing.
Anyway, if your goal is to WIN the argument, you take an opportunity to deepen your relationship and you just lose it. Happy are the peacemakers. Make MLK Jr-like, Gandhi-like, Jesus-like peace. Greg Peterson (who happens to be of intellectual superiority) wrote, “If you see it as important to win an argument over another adult…then you’re assuming an intellectually superior position to that person, and I think that’s kind of messed up especially within the context of the ultimate relationship: marriage.”
We do that, don’t we? We all do that. We elevate differences of opinion to differences of intellect. And assuming you got married because you found somebody who stimulated you...intellectually, then what changed? Did the one you chose really get stupid? Did you really get smarter? Or do you just disagree? Most of the time, you just disagree. So drop the “not only holier but also smarter than thou” crap and make peace. At the end of time, the small things won’t matter. When it comes to the big things, be on the same side, believe in each other, carry each other.
If your goal is to live in peace, then you’ve strengthened the relationship. This I know.
this is one day of a 31 day series about living in a peaceful home.
click here to read the rest of the series.
peace be with you,
Comments are closed.