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a peaceful home | day twenty six

10/26/2013

 
by christina britt lewis
photography by angela statzer

myquillyn smith, of nesting place fame and all things #31Days, is one of my favorite people in the whole wide world. one time she told me to never apologize for my home. she said when we do that we make the moment all about ourselves and we miss the chance we had to make someone feel welcome and comfortable...or something like that. i'm sure she said it better.

i ignored this wisdom when angela came over to take photos of our home. i apologized all over the place. i made it all about me. she said something like if i thought my house was a mess she did not want me seeing her house. myquillyn is right. my apologizing only made angela feel uncomfortable about herself. she didn't like me more. she liked herself less. what a terrible thing to do to somebody. i apologize for apologizing about my home.

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my floors are immaculate and my oven is spotless. i read this and panic that i have ruined my kids. they seem really happy, but who knows? i repeat myquillyn's words "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful" in my head as i compulsively windex the countertops all the live long day. even our laundry room looks staged. it's not...

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my neat freaky ocdness is not something to aspire to. it is something i work to overcome. don't look at the photos of our home and feel bad about yourself. the truth, which you can't really see in the photos, is this...

  • nothing is ever good enough for me. imagine living with that.
  • i can't leave for a weekend away until the entire house is spotless, every closet is organized, and the refrigerator is empty in case we die when we are away. i feel a sick and twisted sense of pride at the thought of people going through our home saying "she was so neat and organized".
  • we never have anything to make halloween costumes with because i don't keep anything.
  • i am never on time because i can't leave the house until it is perfect. you know, in case i die.
  • forget science projects, there are no old shoe boxes in this house.
  • that sectional that would have been awesome in the garage? i sold it.
  • i can't relax on vacation until i have redesigned the rental home.
  • that thing you love? yeah, i threw it away.
  • tim hired a housekeeper for me because i cannot work, think, or relax if all is not clean.
  • i could go on and on, but i'm getting sad...

my problem looks pretty in pictures. but it's really ugly. tim helps me change the voices in my head and be at peace with good enough. cole and camden help me see the comfort and beauty of unmade beds. i get better and better at seeing the perfection of imperfection. if you are a person who is already at peace with imperfection, don't aspire to be more like me. may we all aspire to be more like you...


this is one day of a 31 day series about living in a peaceful home. 
click here to read the rest of the series.

peace be with you,
tim
christina
cole 
camden 
george
 

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