for the ones who hurt today

by christina britt lewis

my three men are off playing soccer now. a father/son sunday night tradition. after years of being coached by tim, cole and camden play on the same team with him now. every sunday night they come home psyched or pissed depending on the game. whatever they are feeling, they are unified in it. on the same team. 

we spent today with family. my dad, uncle bill, and my brother-in-law were there. a backyard full of some of the best men i know drinking cold beer and grilling kielbasa. i grew up knowing that if anything ever happened to my mom and dad, aunt leena and uncle bill would take care of us. i grew up feeling safe and secure and strong.

came home and scrolled through my facebook feed. i don't do that much anymore, but today i was captivated by post after post about great husbands and fathers. happy photos of happy families. i love love. i even posted some love of my own. some sweet words to my man and this photo of me and dad today...

but then i took george for a walk and he rolled in something stinky at the park.
came home and gave him a bath which got me thinking...
i live in a bubble.

if facebook was a thing back when my life was shit...today would hurt. 
every happy post would make me feel like i failed at marriage, motherhood, and life.
i would have cried myself to sleep tonight.

so for the ones who hurt today...

• the ones who are fatherless
• the ones who would have been better off fatherless
• the ones who mother and father all by themselves
• the ones who don't like the way their husband fathers
• the ones who want to be fathers
• the ones who feel they failed as fathers
• the ones who don't know who the father is
• the ones who feel unloved by fathers
• the ones who wish they married better fathers
• the ones who let down their fathers
• the ones who fear their fathers...

please know that happy photos of happy families are not the whole story. my father hates my political choices and worries that i'm going to hell. my boys argued about who was going to carry the water bottles on the way to soccer tonight, and my husband...well...i can't think of anything shitty about my husband anymore...but it took 15 years of hell for us to get here. the thing is...

• everybody hurts  (you guys, if you click on anything, click on this)
• sometimes the path to heaven is straight through hell
• you are not alone in this
• the darkness upon you is flooded in light
• walk on
• break the cycle
• never underestimate your ability to change everything
• there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too - buechner
• and may God's love be with you, my brothers and sisters...

today and always
xo...

christina